im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
