Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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