tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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