i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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