Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
