I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do vagina's smell?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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