Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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