She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
