I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
