Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.