awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.