Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles