Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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