It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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