ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
