Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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