Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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