Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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