My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
