I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize