Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
