you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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