Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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