i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize