She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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