so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
