dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm both gender and math confused
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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