Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
