I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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