DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize