hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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