Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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