Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
