found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
