I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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