so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
