My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
