Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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