why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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