im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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