Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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