you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
