hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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