Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
