We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
