That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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