after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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