I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis