I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.