All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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