I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
