I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
