Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
