dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
