now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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