do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
