What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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