If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
