How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize