ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
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sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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